are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
