ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
