I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
