Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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