I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
