Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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