just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
