It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
