where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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