Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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