Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
