Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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