There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize