i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
