Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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