Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
