Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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