i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize