No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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