Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
