How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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