He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
