I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
