Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
