I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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