Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
