What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
