last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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