Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
