You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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