you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
