Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
