So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
my liver is dry heaving
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
