Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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