I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
