Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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