No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
