you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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