girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it was like his penis was on wheels.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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