Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
