She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You're like the curious george of whores
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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