I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
