Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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