He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
