How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
