Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
