Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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