Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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