I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize