the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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