he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
