You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
