My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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