She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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