And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
