She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
