3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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