i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize