ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
