we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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