Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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