Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
