He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
