I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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