one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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