college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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