This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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