By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
