Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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