The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
