She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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