I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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