wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
