So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
